I’m watching the Today Show this morning, and they’re doing segments this week on where the family of each of the hosts came from. Today was Matt Lauer’s turn. They traced his lineage back to his great-grandfather, who came over from Romania with the mass exodus of Jews due to growing anti-semitic feelings in the region.

What I found the most interesting though, is the pictures they showed of the log books when his great-grandfather, and then later his great grandmother and her children came through immigration. All the handwriting was the same, despite the fact that they came through at different times. It was all written in lovely handwriting - cursive, smooth, and grand. And it made me wonder…when that person wrote those names down in that log book, did they have ANY sense that generations later, we’d be going back to look? That we’d be curious to find out where our roots started? Could they have had any sense of the role they played in helping us, as Americans, understand where our families started?

Many years ago, my mother compiled a “family book” for my grandfather. In it she placed the photos of all of our family back to my great-great-grandparents. It was that generation that came over, from Sweden on my great-great-grandfather’s side, and Germany (or Poland) on my great-great-grandmother’s side. (My great grandma always claimed she was German. Her name, however, was a german first name with a more polish last name. SO…not sure.) Anyway - Both sides came over to America at about the same time, and because they were farmers “in the old country”, they made their way to the middle of their new country, and built farms. We actually have pictures (very old ones, not very good!) of a sod shanty they lived in. Talk about not living a glamorous lifestyle! But they did it…through the depression and the dust bowl and all of that.

But it still makes you wonder…why did they leave? I never heard that things were that bad in Germany or Sweden around the time they left. They were Lutheran, not Jewish, so they didn’t leave for religious reasons. I guess maybe it was just to try and make a better life in this new place.

I wonder how they felt when they got here. Their name was “Americanized” when they went through immigration, as it was for so many. The Swedish word, when pronounced in English, sounded somewhat like “urine”, so it was changed to a close, but non-bodily-function sounding name. I wonder how they felt about that? Was it a matter of “New life, New name, no big deal”? Or, did they mourn the loss of their heritage in changing the name?

On my dad’s side I don’t have the same questions. The history of his family is very well documented, as most of that side of the family is LDS or RLDS (mormons or mormon-lite!), and their skill at keeping the genealogy is unparalleled.

My father’s family history has been traced back hundreds and hundreds of years - before our country WAS a country. My ancestor on that side was one of the first settlers in this country, believe it or not, and there are actually a couple of small communities on the east coast named after him because he was a “founder”. (Also, my dad’s cousin claims our lineage is traceable back to Robert the Bruce (of Braveheart fame. Or shame, since he betrayed Mel Gibson!) But I won’t claim that, because everybody claim they’re related to somebody famous or royal somehow, right?)

Anyway - I’m a little curious to try and find out the same information on my mom’s side that is available to me on my dad’s side, but I’m not sure how much would be out there. They were simple farmers, who migrated from their “old country” to America, where they farmed. I just wonder what they would think if they saw us now. Would they be sad we don’t farm anymore…but I think overall they would be impressed with what we’ve done with our lives. My family on both sides has a history of starting up and running their own businesses, with mixed success. We have more than they probably ever dreamed of having. I don’t know, it’s an interesting thought.

For most of the last week, there was a carnival going on in our little ‘burb - something that goes on every year. We generally try to take our kids down to play some games and ride some rides, despite my over-protective fear of a carnival ride spinning out of controll and killing my children. (Don’t laugh - things like that DO happen!)

Anyway - so we took the girls to the carnival yesterday, and basically let them do their own thing as long as they were with each other or friends. (This is a small suburb, and it’s the big yearly to-do, so we ran into quite a few people we know.) The hubs and I walked around and played some games (He won me a big floppy puppy!), and then went and got his turkey leg, and my potato ribbons, and sat in the shade for awhile so the girls could have some time doing all the rides.

After we’d been sitting there for a bit, people watching as you do, we noticed a bunch of people running toward one of the main entry points of the carnival. First it was a guy from the local group that puts on the carnival, then one of the carnival guys himself, and then a cop. And then we saw a bunch of teenage boys running the same direction. And we thought…hrm…that’s weird. I bet there’s a fight.

Then another older guy with a walkie-talkie and a ton of keys hurriedly walked past us in the same direction, and as he was going, the Hubs asked him what was going on. Without even pausing, the guy just goes “Niggers!” and kept on walking.

Uh.

WHA?

I have never seen my husband’s jaw drop quite that dramatically. I started laughing, because what he said and the way he said it was so absurd, I was sure I couldn’t possibly have just heard what I thought I heard.

I feel bad now, because laughing is NOT the way to respond to that kind of racism. But - see - in our day and age - you don’t run into that on a day to day basis. I believe that this guy was perhaps the owner of the carnival. He was an older guy, and we saw him driving a golf-cart around the area, at one point with a bunch of pizzas I assume were to feed the carnies.

But seriously?

And the downside is, we did see another cop leading an african-american kid away in handcuffs. Which - HELLO - this carnival is held literally right next to the police station. How stupid can you be? But…

Sixteen hours later I’m still pretty much in shock over the whole thing. I’m glad our girls weren’t right there with us when it happened. I’m glad they didn’t hear that.

It’s just…wow. You know?

Ren and I were watching some hilarious gymnastics videos.  I’m not going to go back and find it, but go to Youtube, search for paul hunt gymnastics, and OMG.  The beam was my favorite.  Ren liked uneven bars better.  Hilarious.

Then we went on to Gymnastics bloopers.  I’m not going to link that here either, because, well - you can find it, and also?  It’s funny, but actually hard to watch.

What I did go and find then, and I am going to post, is the single reason why I LOVE Olympic gymnastics.

1996.  The USA Women’s team is just points away from winning the gold.  Dominique Mocianeau has just gone and sat down on both her vaults.  Kerri Strug is next.  She goes, and not only blows her first fault, but sprains her ankle.

One remaning vault, by an injured gymnast, decides whether or not the USA gets the gold.

This is what happened:

I took the dog out earlier, and had the *pleasure* of getting to meet the new inhabitants of teh dirt pile in our front yard.

For those of you who don’t visit our home often, you don’t know the story.

Back in April or May, I decided to go ahead an order a dumptruck full of dirt for the various landscaping endeavours my husband and I were about to undertake. Well…we are very good at procrastination, and a wet spring kind of ensured the pile was always wet. Then it was summer, and really hot, and basically - our dirt pile has sat in the driveway growing weeds and providing a home for some new inhabitants.

Hubs told me earlier this week that we had wasps in it, and that’s no big. I am a big believer of - leave them alone, they leave you alone, all is well.

WELL…today I took the dog outside, and was looking at the pile, and I noticed we have not just one species of wasp in there. We have at least two.

We have Cicada Killer Wasps.

And we have digger wasps.

Not sure you really get the sense from the pictures - but they’re both HUGE. UGH.

Yuck.

Still down about the baby. But I am certain about one thing.

I can come up with a damn better baby name than ZUMA NESTA ROCK.

Seriously, Gwen. What is UP with that?

Those were my mom’s words when I called her this afternoon to confirm. One baby. One soon to be re-absorbed sack that used to contain an embryo. My mom didn’t mean to be cold-hearted. She’s just not the fluffy, emotional, hug it out type.

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t massively depressed about the baby.

But I feel guilty for feeling depressed. We are having what we wanted - what appears to be a healthy baby. It’s in there, it looks good, everything around it looks good. And there are thousands of women out there who really would give a limb to be in my position. I conceived naturally after three months of trying. I have a healthy baby growing in my own womb, which from all assertions seems to be an acceptable place. I have no right to be sad.

And yet I’m grieving for the baby that could have been.

Also, I need to start exercising more, and watching my diet a little better. It turns out my blood sugar is just a touch high for where the doc would like it to be. Fun fun.

I feel asleep last night asking every diety I could think of to save my baby.  To make it be just a problem with how they did the U/S at my dr’s office. 

I slept fitfully, and dreamed my whole family was running a restaurant, and I wanted to help, but they wouldn’t let me because of the babies.  Plural.  I felt them inside me.

Now I just want to get it over with.  Nobody is moving fast enough this morning.

Well, first OB appointment is done.

Did get my first ultrasound.

Due date is March 25th.

I am presently carrying twins.

Only one has a heartbeat. The other, the doctor believes, is not viable.

I have a more in-depth ultrasound tomorrow.

So, when I first found out I was pregnant, I was feeling GIRL, very much.

Hubs was feeling boy, very much, and ideally twins, very much.

R did some readings, and is fairly positive on the boy vibe.

And now?  I’m breaking out.  Like - I’ve been good about washing my face and not wearing a lot of makeup lately, so I should ABSOLUTELY not be broken out - but I’m breaking out!  All up in my hairline, mostly - where I’ve never broken out since I was a TEENAGER.  Hubs thinks this is more proof it’s a boy - that boy hormones and my hormones are fighting, and ergo, I get zits. 

Hrmph.

Don’t get me wrong - I would LOVE to have a boy - that would give me biologically one of each, and was something I had envisioned a long time ago…but I Loooooooooove baby girl stuff SO much.  SO.  I’m not giving up hope yet.  All evidence just seems to point to the male side!

With the baby on the way, I’ve been yearning to learn some new “baby songs”. One of my favorite memories from when Eldest was a baby was nursing her in the middle of the night, and singing to her as we rocked.

I’ve been checking out a few songs on youtube, and was LOVING Billy Joel’s Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel). And then I found out that that song is in the trailer for the Twilight movie. Now - don’t get me wrong - I read all the books in that series, and I loved them, but that means a bunch of people are going to love that song because of the movie - not because it’s a beautiful sentiment from a parent to a child.

The Dell commercial came on, and I remembered that I wanted to look up that song. Turns out it’s Kira Willey’s “Colors”. I *heart* it.

I am green today
I chirp with joy like a cricket song.
I am gray today
Gloomy and down like a morning fog.
I am orange today
Loud and messy like finger paint on the wall.
I am red today
Hopping mad like a playground ball.
I am black today
Strong and tall a great big bear.
I am purple today
Bright and happy like a butterfly in the air.

I’m a rainbow today
All the colors of the world.
I’m a rainbow today
All the colors of the world.
I’m a rainbow today
All the colors of the world are in me.
All the colors of the world are in me.