Transcendental Reality

I have been blogging for almost eight years.  Eight years is a long time.   I have seen bloggers come and go, and blog “friendships” come and go.  I have seen scammers.  I have seen heartfelt people be destroyed by others who are uncaring.  I have seen a lot.

I have pulled back a lot from what my online interaction once was.  I can count on one hand the number of people I am “close to” online.  I read quite a few blogs, however, and in doing so, there is an odd sense of closeness that develops with some of the writers.  You see the outpouring of their souls from time to time…and for those who are halfway decent writers, you care about what happens to them.

One of those people, with whom I’ve exchanged a few emails over the years, and whose blog is one of the first I read any time I sit down to read blogs – although my comments are more and more rare lately – is going through an incredibly tough time.

I am not close enough to her to know what is going on exactly, as she has written about the pain she is going through, but not the cause of it.  I lean on my intuition to glean something of the situation, and it’s not a good thing.  I pray for her daily…sometimes several times a day – whenever she crosses my mind.  I think she would be shocked to know how frequently that is.  Not in an “OMG STALKER!” way…in a “Wow, I didn’t know that many people cared about my situation” way.  (I hope.)

The sad thing is, you read what she writes, and you can sense the desperation…the feeling that things are not even yet at rock bottom…and there’s a fear for what happens when it does get there.  I guess I’m a fixer…I’ve always been one to want to make things better when I know someone is in a bad situation.  And this isn’t something anyone can fix for her.

There’s also the part of me that wants to slap her, and say – HEY – you get one more day to be this way, but then you HAVE to pick yourself up and either move on, or forgive what has happened, because the hellacious limbo you have yourself in right now is good for NO ONE…especially your children.  No matter how much you say they don’t know…it does and it will affect them somehow.

But in the end?  It’s none of my business.  If this person wants to crawl into a hole, and never post another thing on her blog, that’s her right.  We have no right to her life.  There is no custodial right in having spent years reading someone’s every online word.

But either way, it’s a bummer.  Because all we can do is let her know we care.  All we can do is offer to be an ear (or an eye) or a shoulder to cry on. Or offer prayers, even if she doesn’t believe they matter.